Tag Archives: squatting in the woods

A wee in the forest

10 Mar

Last week, I had to clean the toilet with some random toilet cleaner I found in my cleaning bucket.  I’m not even sure where it came from.  Maybe I stole it from Grandma when we lived with her.  Oops.

I usually use Ajax.  You know, that gritty, powdery stuff in a cardboard can?  But the other day, Aaron put a shirt or something in the laundry sink and then when I ran the washing machine, the sink filled with water (the water from the washing machine goes into the laundry sink and down the drain via a little hose…) and the shirt got stuck in the drain.  No water could go down it.

I went in the laundry room to find a very wet floor.  There is a drain on the floor though, so a lot of it when down there. Then I opened the cupboard under the laundry sink to get my cleaning bucket full of supplies and found it filled to the brim with water.  How in the world did all the water get there??  I mean when the sink overflowed, it went onto the floor.  The bucket was under the sink, in the cupboard.  Whatever.  Weird.

Anyway, my Ajax container was soaking wet and all the cleaner inside turned into one giant clump.  Unusable. Sigh. Lucky I found the random toilet cleaner in there too.  In a plastic sealed container.  Not at all ruined by the flood.

I squeezed some in the toilet.

The smell of forest filled my nostrils.

Forest?  Seriously?

“Pine scented.” The container said.

Ok, I’m sorry, but who thought it would be a good idea for the bathroom to smell like trees?  I remember camping as a child and having to pop a squat behind a tree to relieve myself while  A) hoping I didn’t pee all over the pants that were around my ankles, B) trying not to fall over, and C) trying to make sure the steadily growing lake of urine did not decide to make a run for my shoes.

And then my butt cheek really hurt.  Something of giant proportions bit me.  On my butt.  While I was peeing in the woods.  Some sort of gigantic, mutated forest fly.  That’s what it looked like anyway.  Every time I sat down after that, the bite would itch.  I pretty much spent that whole camping trip scratching my butt.

So I’m sorry, but I do not want to think about squatting, peeing on myself, and getting my ass bitten every time I use the toilet.  No. Thanks.

Maybe they should make the cleaner smell like fresh fruit.  It smells good, plus fruit doesn’t bite you in the bum.

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